Family Crisis and Stress


Stress. What is stress? Stress is the state of tension that rises when someone's capabilities are being challenged on demand. It's something we need of in life but if it is too much it can truly hurt us. Stress knows no boundaries and it can be extremely difficult to process and find a way to cope. Now, think back on a situation in which you felt that you were drowning in stress. How about when you and your family were living a family crisis? Very intense moments, right?

Did you know that there are multiple types of stressor events? I just believed stress was stress, plain and simple. Turns out that's not the case. There are twelve:

  1. Internal: "Events that begin from someone inside the family, such as getting drunk, suicide, or running for election" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012)
  2. External: "Events that begin from someone or something outside the family, such as earthquakes, terrorism, the inflation rate, or cultural attitudes toward women and minorities" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012)
  3. Normative: "Events that are expected over the family life cycle, such as birth, launching an adolescent, marriage, aging, or death" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012)
  4. Nonnormative: "Events that are unexpected, such as winning a lottery, getting a divorce, dying young, war, or being taken hostage, often but not always disastrous" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
  5. Volitional: "Events that are wanted and sought out, such as a freely chosen job change, a college entrance, or a wanted pregnancy" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
  6. Ambiguous: "Events for which you can't get the facts and that are so unclear the you're not even sure that it's happening to you and your family" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
  7. Non-Ambiguous: "Events for which clear facts are available" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
  8. Nonvolitional: "Events that are not sought out but just happen, such as being laid off or the sudden loss of someone loved" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012)
  9. Chronic: "A situation that has a long duration, such as diabetes, chemical addiction, or racial discrimination" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
  10. Acute: "An event that lasts a short time but is severe, such as breaking a limb, losing a job, or flunking a test" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
  11. Cumulative: "Events that pile up, one right after the other, so there is no resolution before the next one occurs; a dangerous situation in most cases" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
  12. Isolated: "An event that occurs alone, at least with no other events apparent at that time, that can be pinpointed easily" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).
Clearly, not all stressors are equal and the way about coping with stress is not all the same either. There are effective and ineffective ways of coping patterns. Even when you decide to do nothing in regards to dealing with a crisis, you are coping. 

Ineffective Coping Patterns
Ineffective refers to the coping pattern is not effective in long-term outcomes. Those who do not find effective coping patterns tend to have low levels of maturity meaning that the individuals and families whose function decreases and slows down their growth. What are common examples of negative coping patterns? 
  • Denial: Most common and serves a defense reaction when they can not or do not believe what they notice.
    • A mother can be in denial that their son has a drug addiction after witnessing him overdose and being rushed to the emergency room.
  • Avoidance: Recognizing there is a problem but choosing to avoid confronting or dealing with it.
    • From the previous example, the mother reacts to her son's substance abuse by starting to drink instead of dealing with his addiction.
  • Scapegoating: Admitting there is  a problem but blaming someone else.
    • The mother could blame her ex-husband for her son's drug addiction.
Effective Coping Patterns
Families who are likely to cope effectively do so because they work together to develop family strengths. Families who develop such strength and ability are considered to be resilient. That happen by:
  • Taking Responsibility
    • You admit there is a problem and you will not deny or avoid the current issue. No self-victimization.
  • Affirming Self-Worth and Family's Worth
    • Midst a family crisis, such a situation can hurt people's confidence. It is crucial you are constantly reassuring yourself and your family's worth.
  • Balancing Self-Concern and Other-Concern
    • Be cautious when a crisis attacks our self-esteem because we can fall victim to self-absorption.
  • The Art of Reframing
    • Learning to change your perspective on a situation. It is being able to look at a situation from different views and grow from it. 
  • Searching for and using Available Resources
    • Internal resources are our families but external resources are within the range of our communities, friends, and church etc. Finding help you can trust. 

People respond to crises in many different ways. Although we cannot control the events in our lives, we can control the way we react and respond to them. You can always learn of ways to positively cope with a crisis. 



"It's not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it."
  - Hans Selye






References

Lauer, J. C., Lauer, R. H. (2012). Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy (8th ed.). McGraw Hill. 

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