It's More than Just Sex

Sexual intimacy varies depending on beliefs, culture and society.  It is a form of intimacy humans use to express their feelings and attraction to one another. It can be a powerful, exciting, and beautiful thing. Undeniably, males and females have different responses to sex.  Let's just make it a little simpler, shall we?

I introduce you to the sexual response cycle. What is that? Well, William Masters and Virginia Johnson in the 1960s started the doing some research on identifying how the body responds to sex. They were able to identify four stages of human sexual response:

1. Excitement 
2. Plateau
3. Orgasm
4. Resolution

Now, we have all heard men say that women take to long to orgasm and women say that men orgasm too quick. There is so much about the body that we should take time to learn about and be able to understand it. Understanding each other will enhance the experience but it will also unify the bond of the couple.

Stage 1: Excitement

This first stage is arousal. This is where there is not only physical but psychological stimulation. This can come from either intense kissing or by possibly reading erotic literature. Arosaul is different for everyone. Males experience an erection usually within 3-8 seconds. Females experience vaginal lubrication within 10-30 seconds.

Stage 2: Plateau

Now, it is important to understand that stage one does not always lead to the second stage. There could be a distraction that drives the attention away from a continued response. Nonetheless, is the excitement does continue we are then introduced to stage two, plateau. Stage two as shown in the graphs above is where the high level of arousal continue and intensify leading to an orgasm. Please note that for females, a plateau can be brief and lead to a pleasurable orgasm while "others find a longer plateau to be a kind of sexual high that is very satisfying" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012). Males who have "trouble controlling ejaculation, the plateau may be extremely short" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012). Both male and female experience continued physical changes during the plateau stage.

Stage 3: Orgasm

This is when "a discharge of the sexual tension that has been built up and maintained during the plateau" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012). Out of the stages, stage three is the one that takes the least amount of time. A lot of work and build of for a quick moment of bliss. Usually involving muscular contractions of the female and male genitalia, this physical feeling only lasts for a couple seconds once a wave of relaxation kicks in. 

In case you didn't know, women can "have anywhere from 3 to 15 muscular contraction during an orgasm"(Lauer & Lauer, 2012) and if stimulation is continued, females can have multiple orgasms. A male's orgasm consists of two phases, one) "muscular contractions that force semen through the penis... and two) additional muscular contractions lead to ejacualtion" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).

Stage 4: Refractory Period

This is the relaxation part after the high. For males, after an orgasm they will need time to recover before having another ejacualtion. There is no specific time as to how long that could take; it could be anywhere from a couple minutes to hours. The recovery time increase the older the male is. This being the resolution period, both males and females return to a state of being sexually unaroused. The higher the arousal, "resolution will take longer" (Lauer & Lauer, 2012).

So sexual intimacy is not just about having sex. To really be able to successfully go through all four stages, there has to be a basic understanding of how the male and female body function. So it makes that sexual intimacy may be an issue in marital relationships. Sexual satisfaction is not the main reason why marital decrease happens but it does influence. This would be a great opportunity for couple to communicate about their sex life. If help is needed, maybe seeking professional help is something to consider. Nonetheless, good sex will occur when both individuals are aware, informed, and patient. Like everything else in a good and healthy relationship, sex takes work.  

"It is an absolute human certainty that no one can know his own beauty or perceive a sense of his own worth until it has been reflected back to him in the mirror of another loving, caring human being." 

-John Joseph Powell

References

Lauer, J. C., Lauer, R. H. (2012). Marriage & Family: The Quest for Intimacy (8th ed.). McGraw Hill.