I'll Walk With You

I know, I know. It's quite a delicate subject but one worth talking about. Writing about this topic, is a sensitive and vulnerable. I don't identify as LGBTQ+ but some of my loved ones do and things are always means more when it comes to those you love. Writing this blog is a an effort of trying to educate myself and others. In the process of doing so, you many disagree a little or whole more than that, or maybe even 100% and that is okay. I just ask that you hear me out. 

At first I was going to talk about what we discussed in class but it just didn't feel like it was enough; at least for what I was looking for. This week we examined other aspects of family life. We focused on the influence of gender upon one's family roles and experiences. We began by considering differences between males and females, and the advantages one's gender traits may provide establishing and filling those roles. So much information!

However, throughout our discussion I kept asking myself about what family means to those who identify as LGBTQ+. It was on my mind day and night. I would get very emotional thinking about it. Of course, in no means am I saying I'd know what that would look like because it is not my situation. But I wanted to learn more. Living in a small church university town trying to find someone who was comfortable and willing to discuss presented as a bit of a challenge. 


Fast forward to today where the first "I'll Walk With You" event took place in Rexburg. Dr. Ben Schilaty, author of "A Walk In My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked as a Gay Latter Day Saint" and co-host for podcast "Questions from the Closet," will be the keynote speaker. Dr. Schilaty is currently an honor code administrator and adjunct professor at Brigham Young University. Flourish Point Inc. and Lift + Love helped make this event possible through generous donations. This meeting was part one of a series to build love and understanding with our LGBTQ+ brothers and sisters. This was the first event I attended where I felt so much love. 

I did not know what they were going to be talking about in depth but when Dr. Schilaty walked up on stage and introduced himself, I was all ears. He then started to share about his parents and where he was from. He gave just enough to feel comfortable, kind of like you were sitting and talking to friend. He then said, "I am gay" not "I have same-sex attraction to men" to which he later explained was that that label had a negative connotation for him.  Here was this beautiful human sharing his story. He is an active member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and carefully elaborated on 9 principles:

      1. We are children of God and...
      2. Discuss the bigger question.
      3. We can approach God.
      4. Commitment to God does not always remove suffering.
      5. We can't bear one another's burdens if we don't know what they are.
      6. We are all one family.
      7. The best answers come from the person seeking the answer.
      8. We build Zion by getting to know one another.
      9. Don't miss the mark, Jesus Christ.
Dr. Schilaty then ended his talk by inviting us to create and enable a safe space for those who need it. To educate ourselves so that our LGBTQ+ loves ones are not the only ones who are trying to educate others. He shared the scripture, Doctrine and Covenants 123:17: "Therefore, dearly beloved brethren, let us cheerfully do all things that lie in our power; and then may we stand still, with the utmost assurance, to see the salvation of God, and for his arm to be revealed." Because it can very exhausting to always be the one educating. The last thing on the agenda was a panel discussion where two other speakers, Emma Ergang and Ronny Nowland, joined him. The questions being asked were great and helped me learn. 

A member of the audience asked, "What can I do if my child (who identifies as LGBTQ+) is against celestial marriage?" Emma answered, "This is a really hard question. I have had these thoughts before. I would try changing it to making sure my child knows how much I and God love them. When the missionaries first start teaching, they don't first teach about celestial marriage. They teach about love first. Shift to what they love about their testimony." Ronny shared, " I don't know. Believing in celestial marriage is hard as a gay member." They brought up "The Family: A Proclamation to the World," where they talked about how sometimes as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints we narrow down everything we teach at church to be solemnly about dating, marriage, and family. Emma vocalized, "The Family Proclamation also talks about other things about families. Like camping and other recreational activities." They closed the panel with the following: "People are uncomfortable with our reality. It's real."

"We need to listen to and understand what our LGBT brothers and sisters are feeling and experiencing. Certainly we must do better than we have done in the past so that all members feel they have a spiritual home where their brother and sisters love them and where they have a place to worship and serve the Lord." 
- M. Russell Ballard 


Church Resources



Helpful Podcasts
Questions From the Closet - Ben Schilaty & Charlie Bird answer questions they are commonly asked as gay members of the church.

ListenLearnandLove.org/podcasts - Richard Ostler, a former YSA bishop and active church member, interviews various members of the LGBTQ+ community to seek better understanding.

Lift + Love Conversations  - A podcast for LDS LGBTQ+ families


Books (Available at Deseret Book and Amazon)

- A Walk in My Shoes: Questions I'm Often Asked as a Gay Latter-day Saint by Ben Schilaty
- That We May Be One: A Gay Mormon's Perspective on Family & Faith by Tom Christofferson
- Without the Mask: Coming Out and Coming Into God's Light by Charlie Bird
- Listen, Learn, & Love: Embracing LGBTQ Latter-day Saints by Richard Ostler
- Love BOLDLY: Embracing Your LGBTQ Loved Ones and Your Faith by Becky Mackintosh
- Is He Nuts? Why a Gay Man Would Become a Member of the Church of Jesus Christ by Dennis Schleicher
References

Ballard, M. R. (2021, March 15). Questions and Answers. BYU Speeches. Retrieved February 6, 2022, from https://speeches.byu.edu/talks/m-russell-ballard/questions-and-answers/ 






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